Strong, Black Woman: Is It Wrong to be Strong All the Time?
For many years we as black women and even our black men have had to be strong. Stronger than our pain. Stronger than our struggle. We have in turn pushed that same message off on our children. Strength is a needed asset in our world today. Especially in a world where our black children are deemed not good enough and are being taking from us quicker than ever before. There will be times where we need to learn to let our children feel the pain of loss. We need to let them experience their weakness. We are only as strong as the weakness we can endure. One day my daughter came home from summer camp and said to me, “Those kids picked on me. They were my friends in school, but now they pick on me!” She was extremely upset. I wanted to do two things: 1. Go kick their 2nd grade butts(nobody messes with momma’s babies), and 2. Bring out my old south side upbringing.
I, however, had to remember that I have to be here for my daughter, let her hurt for being treated poorly, and then be here to remind her how beautiful and wonderfully made she is. I make sure she knows that as a little Queen it’s okay to feel that pain but to never forget her crown and that she is worthy of all the love and respect a real friend will give. By doing this I’m allowing her to develop her own strength and not rely on my will to get her through tough times. This is a lesson, a strength that is irreplaceable and will carry through many things.
Moms I know when they hurt we hurt, and when we feel this we want them to be strong and shrug off the pain they may not be old enough to yet express. Sometimes a strong front isn’t what they need. Sometimes they will gain true strength from what we don’t protect them from.
It’s ok sometimes for strong to be wrong.